Friday, May 23, 2008

Memorial Day

I can't say it any better than this...

To those who protect our freedom
Thank You.


Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Had the sonogram on Friday and an appointment with the urologist yesterday.

First the good news: no evidence of cancer, tumors, swelling or anything drastic.

The bad news: after being manipulated, poked, prodded, pulled, twisted, squeezed and shaken (but not stirred) I'm hurting worse than ever. Wouldn't mind so much except it wasn't even enjoyable (I know...I know, girls, my wife already told me 'now you know what I have to go through for a mammogram!')

I have what is called a hydrocele but the unusual thing, the doc said, was there is no swelling or fluid buildup that he can detect. He put me on a week of antibiotics and an anti-inflammatory just in case there's some infection there. Have to sit in a hot bath for 15 minutes each night...hate that because the meds won't allow beer. Also I have to wear a supporter or compression shorts/cycling shorts each day to relieve pressure. At least my wife likes my butt in compression shorts.

I'm thankful that it wasn't any more serious. He said it could be the result of an injury...wonder if this is because of Edge's challenge a few weeks back? Could Commando's freedom and openness have unforeseen side effects? Probably not.

Now for 'What Grinds My Gears'
Received a prescription for Naprozen and Doxycycline. Have to take one of each twice a day. The Naproxen says 'take with food or milk'. The Doxycycline says 'take no milk, dairy products, calcium, magnesium or iron withing 2 hours'.


Next, the drug information sheet that came with the Doxycycline (the one htat says no dairy products or calcium) says 'while taking this medication the following oral supplements are suggested: calcium, iron, magnesium...'


Also, when the doctor came in he asked me when the symptoms started. As I began to explain he cut me off and asked another question. It was then I realized he wasn't listening to me but was looking down, answering yes/no drill-down questions on a touch screen device. At first I thought 'WTH' then I just sat back, shut up & answered his questions. Are we all doomed? Has modern medicine been reduced to a technical flow chart? Can we survive much longer?

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Friday, May 09, 2008

"I'm from the Government...I'm here to help you"

[This joke reminds me of the ultimate oxymoron I saw on a sign one day at the city water department: "City of Irving Department of Customer Service"]

A Department of Water representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation.'

The old farmer said, 'OK , but don't go in that field over there.'

The Water representative said, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH, no questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'

The old farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores. Later, the old farmer heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull. The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step. The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....

'Your card! Your card! Show him your card!'


Monday, May 05, 2008

It's That Time Of Year

Time to belly up to the exam table, assume the position and drop trou...

Had my annual physical this morning. My doctor isn't as attractive as the young lady above but I do go to a female doctor. My philosophy: if that procedure is going to be performed on me once a year it's going to be done by a woman (some of my friends laugh and say 'ah...small hands'. Nope, nothing to do with small hands, Sparky, it's more basic than that. Edge and Russ can probably figure out what I'm talkin' about).

Everything went well except, just a couple of things I have to work on. Cholesterol was 125...still really good but Triglycerides were too high. Too many carbs...going to have to lay off the Vito's Pizza. Also been having a bit of an issue with the 'boys' the last couple of months. Been having a twinge now and then from one side. Everything was OK as far as I could tell but the pain started suddenly back in March and hasn't gotten any worse or any better. Lifing or not lifting weights doesn't affect it any nor does riding or not riding the bike. When the Doc checked Lefty and asked me if there was any pain all was well. When she checked Righty I almost went through the roof...problem isolated. She said that since there wasn't any swelling or fluid buildup and both were the same size that it might be a mild hernia. I am scheduled for an ultrasound Friday...keep you posted.

I did learn, guys, that we are supposed to check the boys like women do their self-breast-exam. We are supposed to make sure they are both the same size (or at least not changing in size), there are no lumps on them or in the sack & check for sensitivity, pain and fluid buildup. Any change needs to be checked out immediately.'s permission to play with yourself.

Hmm...seeing how as men and women both have these self-exams they are supposed to do that couples should schedule a time to get together and help each other out...just a suggestion. Doctors orders.