Sunday, July 22, 2007

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2032

  • Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia.
  • Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
  • Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
  • Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
  • France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
  • Castro finally dies at age 106; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
  • George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
  • Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
  • 25-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
  • Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
  • Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
  • Man found who actually knows how to put the lid down.
  • Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
  • Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
  • Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
  • New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
  • Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
  • IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
  • Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

    Now, my question to you: How much of this is just a joke and how much will come to pass?

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1 Comments:

Blogger Laura said...

This cracked me up.

ps. My husband absolutely hates the lid being up. I don't think he has ever left it up. True story.

5:19 PM, July 23, 2007  

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